


We'll figure it out....

by Hopeless_Case



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Homoeroticism, Just smut, Lust, M/M, No Plot, OK maybe a little plot but not much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-06-01 21:50:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6537541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopeless_Case/pseuds/Hopeless_Case
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jude joins a gym to help him bulk up but gets a lot more than he bargained for....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Tour

I opened the main door, immediately spotting the reception desk. I approached it cautiously and waited for the brunette behind the counter to lift her gaze.

“Hi I have an appointment for 7pm”

“Sure can I have your name please?”

“Yes it’s Jude….Jude Jacob”

“Ah yes Jude would you like to take a seat? Kasia will be with you in a few moments.”

I turned around an spotted a rather comfortable looking chair. I sat down, trying to take in my surroundings. I’ve never been much for gyms. Always felt rather self conscious about my body but hey I guess that’s why I’m here now. The reception are was nice, bright and comfortable the big cushy chairs were definitely a plus. I spent a few minutes observing the various people coming and going. Some of them seemed to be more muscle than human. Maybe this was a mistake. This type of place wasn’t for me.

Just as I was contemplating making a run for the exit I noticed a woman approach me. She introduced herself as Kasia. From her accent I guessed Eastern European. She sat beside me with her clipboard and we began to discuss what my “objectives” are and what I would like to “get out” of joining a gym. I thought that was pretty obvious I basically have zero muscle mass so anything would be an improvement.

Then she invited me to accompany her on a tour. She seemed very pleasant….attractive even, if you like that sort of thing. I don’t….but still I can appreciate her aesthetic beauty.

We started off in the main cardio area filled with treadmills and cross trainers and a few other machines. To be honest it seemed like hell on earth. Filled with a bunch of sweaty people putting themselves through all sorts of torture to prostrate themselves on the alter of vanity. Still I shouldn’t judge, I mean I am basically doing the same thing.

We continued our tour into the weights area. If I thought I was out of my depth before? Fuck! There were so many machines and all of them looked terrifying. Kasia just smiled no doubt picking up on my apprehension. She assured me that an a trainer would instruct me in how to use any machine. Still terrifying though.

Then we headed downstairs where Kasia showed me a rather small but pleasant swimming pool. The was also a sauna and jacuzzi. ‘That’s more like it’ I thought. Maybe this place isn’t so bad after all.

“The mens changing rooms are right in there. Feel free to take a look I’ll be waiting outside for you”

I hesitantly rounded the corner into the changing rooms and Fuck Me! it was like some sort of homoerotic wonderland. It was a large spacious room with lockers all around. There were mirrors everywhere. The showers were down the back and…. is that glitter on the walls? Jesus could this place be any gayer! Just then two completely naked men walked past neither of them bothering to cover their admittedly impressive dicks. I decided to leave before I started having heart palpitations.

Sure enough Kasia was waiting outside for me.

“What do you think?”

“Eh very pleasant”

We went back up to the reception area and Kasia asked me if I would like to join.

Just say no Jude save your money you don’t need a gym anyway.

“Sure” I said. Coward!

As I was completing the various membership forms Kasia turned to me.

“So I can arrange an induction and assessment with one of our trainers. When would you like me to pencil you in?”

“Eh well I’ve no classes tomorrow morning” Might as well get this torture done sooner rather than later.

“Great” Kasia confirmed “I’ve a free spot at 10am. Here’s your appointment card and you’re all set.”

  
I walked outside into the cold air feeling….hungry. Starving actually. Watching all those people workout must have given me quite the appetite. Plus I hadn’t eaten since lunch. Thankfully my boyfriend is a reasonably good cook so rather than grab something on the way I head back to our apartment.

Sure enough as soon as I enter the apartment I can smell the food being prepared. Spaghetti meatballs if i had to guess.

“Finally you’re home” Owen says

“Yeah I stopped off in the gym remember”

“Oh right yeah how did it go?”

———————————

  
We ate our admittedly tasty dinner while we filled each other in on our respective days. I got an hour of study in followed by a few hours of TV. All in all a pretty standard night.

A few hours later, we were getting ready for bed.

“ I dunno….I’m not sure it’s really for me.”

“But you already paid that money, and you’ve always been a bit self conscious about your body….It’ll be good for you.”

“You think?”

“Seriously what’s the worst that can happen?……Hey you dropped this.”

Owen handed me a card…my appointment card.

Induction Time: ‘10am Tuesday January 15th’  
Instructor: ‘Connor’

Well I guess it’s worth a try. I thought to myself.


	2. Show me the ropes

So I dragged my ass out of bed early. Well earlier than strictly necessary considering my appointment at the gym wasn’t until 10am. Still I thought it would be best to get up early for some reason. I made myself breakfast, something healthy, which meant bland and tasteless. All part of my new healthy living regime I thought. Owen had already left so I killed some time on Facebook and twitter. I was in no mood for studying this morning.

I got to the gym early, well before 10, I headed to the locker room to get changed. It was a good deal less busy than it was yesterday evening. I was kinda disappointed to tell the truth, I had woken up in a somewhat amorous mood today and was hoping to check out some eye candy but alas I was left disappointed.

After changing into my gym clothes I headed out to the reception desk with my appointment card. As I approached the desk I recognised the same receptionist from yesterday.

“Hi I have an appointment for 10 with eh…..Connor” I said while glancing at the card to check the name

“Of course would you like to take a seat and I’ll let him know you’re here”

As I sat down on the admittedly comfortable chair, I couldn’t help feeling anxious about what awaited me. As I’m not exactly an athlete, I didn’t want to embarrass myself and this Connor guy was probably some muscled bound idiot who takes pleasure in inflicting punishment on his unsuspecting victims. If I’m totally honest I had already decided that this would be my one and only gym session.

As I sat there fidgeting with my hands I felt a presence standing over me. I looked up and…….Fuck me!……I mean…….Fuck!

“Hi are you Jude?”

Now let me explain. This guys was….fuck he was gorgeous, I mean he was the single most devastatingly attractive human being I have ever laid eyes on. His body was made of pure muscle, his hair was sandy blond and his face…God he was cute as fuck and that smile….. wow he was adorable like an overexcited puppy.

Just as I thought that the smile started to fade. _No go back to doing that smiling thing….I liked that smiling thing. Why has he stopped smiling?_ Oh shit I haven’t answered him.

“Yeah that’s me”

“Great my name’s Connor, I’ll be your instructor”

_Connor what a beautiful name. Oh God he’s smiling again….perfect just perfect._

“Okay I should warn you I’m not exactly athletic.”

He chuckled… _wow!_

“Don’t worry I’ll be gentle”

_Wow….wow…wow!_

“So what exactly are your goals?” he asked

“My goals?”

“Yeah from joining the gym”

“Oh well I guess I’m just sick of being so scrawny.”

“Well I think you look great but I can certainly help you increase your muscle mass”

_Did he just say I looked great?_

“Well my boyfriend always says I could do with bulking up a little”

I don’t know why I mentioned that I have a boyfriend. It just seemed important for some reason.

“So why don’t we get started?’

I followed him up to the cardio area. He directed me to some training mats.

“Now Jude it’s very important to stretch first.” he said “ Here like this”

He…he started stretching out his calves…his attractive toned calves. Those legs are sexy as hell even the hairs on his legs are turning me on.

“OK you got it?”

_No! I was too busy perving on you to pay attention to anything you said._

So I did….try. I took up a position vaguely familiar to his. I bent my left knee and stretched my right leg out behind me.

“That’s pretty good he said” he said “but make sure you straighten your leg.”

With that he reached out his hand and straighten my lower leg.

“Here like this”

At least I think that’s what he said because honestly all my brain could focus on was the fact that his hand was on my leg. His warm….big manly yet incredibly soft hand. My whole body tensed up at the sensation.

“Just relax” he told me

_Easy for him to say!_

We went through a few more stretches. Each time, and despite my best efforts, Connor needed to correct my positioning slightly. Maybe I’m a slow learner but he didn't seem to mind.

When we were done he took me to the treadmill and told me to do a few minutes warmup. He would come back and check on me in a few minutes. The whole time I ran on the treadmill all I could think about was stunningly attractive this Connor was. God his girlfriend is one lucky bitch I thought. I wonder if he has a girlfriend. Not that it matters of course, I have a boyfriend and even if I didn’t Connor was surely straight and even if he wasn’t he wouldn’t look twice at someone like me. Still no harm in dreaming I suppose.

True to his word Connor returned after about ten minutes.

“So how’s the running?”

I was starting to struggle for breath “OK….I guess”

“You can ease off now”

I didn’t need to be told twice.

“Sorry” I said “I haven’t run since high school….and that was mostly just to get away from the homophobes”

Connor giggled _Gorgeous_

“Lucky for me I was bigger than most of the homophobes in my school”

_Wait what?_

“Oh so you’re….”

Connor just smiled _Adorable_

It’s not like finding out that this hot as hell fitness instructor was gay made my perverted mind immediately jump to all sorts of intense sexual scenarios. No that didn’t happen at all.

“So lets do some weights. Why don’t we start you off on some machines.”

We started with something called a leg press basically I had to sit down an put my bent legs against this metal place and push backwards until my legs were straight.

“That’s good Jude. You should be able to feel it here”

He put his hand on my thigh. _I don’t know what I feel._

Then we did another machine. The chest press I think. No touching was involved with this one and then we worked on my shoulders and finished off some sit-ups. Of course I knew how to do a sit up I’m not that clueless but still I thought it best for him to show me.

“So that’s about it. Try doing that routine three or four times a week. You should include some more cardio though to increase your stamina. After a few weeks you can make another appointment and we can try something a little more challenging.”

“Oh okay” My heart sank.  _Did he say weeks. So I wouldn’t get to see him for weeks!_.

“Unless...…you’re in college right?

“Yeah”

“Well we offer a ten week personal trainer course and theres a discount for college students. Basically we meet for a 45 minutes session once a week and I monitor you….your progress I mean”

_Yes Hell Yes!_

Would you be interested?

_God YES!_

“Yes!…..I mean how much”

He told me the price. I really didn’t care decision was already made.

“Great lets get you booked in and and I’ll see you same time next week”

_Can’t wait._

“Great”

I went back to the locker room to get changed. If I thought I was feeling frisky when I arrived it was nothing compared to how I felt leaving. That feeling stayed with me for the rest of the day. I sat through class thinking of how much I was looking forward to my next session at gym. It must be true what people say exercise is addictive. It must the endorphins.

I got home a little later than usual, stayed late in the library. Owen was lying on the coach. watching TV

“How was your day?”

“Good”

We sat together for the rest of the night mostly in silence watching one crappy TV show after another.

“Well I’m beat gonna hit the sack you coming?” He said while yawning

“Eh think I’m gonna stay up for awhile.”

I was still so turned on that I had the vague idea of Owen taking me into our room and fucking me senseless. He didn’t of course not that I’m surprised it’s been weeks since we’ve had sex, which doesn’t bother me, it probably should right? But it doesn’t. Normally I just put on some porn and take care of things myself. Except tonight I didn’t need the porn.

By the time I was ready for bed, Owen was a already asleep. It didn’t take me long to drift off either. Today had been a busy day


	3. More than I can chew

“Is that what you’re wearing?”

“W..well yeah. Why is there something wrong with it?”

“No…it’s just…never mind” Owen returned to eating his cornflakes.

A little self conscious, I discreetly walked to the nearest mirror to check myself. I was wearing a pair of grey yoga pants and dark blue t-shirt which granted had seen better days, It was old and had shrunk from a few too many washes but the fabric was soft and comfortable. It was just what I needed for my weekly ‘check-in’ with my fitness instructor.

Getting up to head out Owen turned to me and gave me peck on the cheek.

“Bye Jude”

“Yeah bye”

I had about 40 minutes to kill before my appointment with Connor. I spent most of it mindlessly pacing around the apartment. I was a little anxious…nervous…excited. I’m not really sure why.

Anyway I got to the gym early, too early really but fuck it! I stood at the desk waiting for Connor to arrive…at least I tried to stand but I felt an uncontrollable urge to pace back and forth again….no idea why.

“Jude Hi” I turned to see Connor approach me. He stopped dead in his tracks. I noticed his eyes dart down and then slowly rise like he was inspecting me. My mind instantly thought back to Owen’s comment earlier. Maybe I did look ridiculous. _Fuck! What was I thinking wearing this?_

“So…” I said trying to break the undeniable tension “Should we get to it?”

That seemed to break whatever trance he was in.

“S…Sure” he said “Follow me”

I did so happily and as I did, I couldn’t help but notice how tight his shorts were and how strong his upper arms looked. Not that I am all about looks mind you but fuck he was sexy in a gorgeous and adorably cute sort of way. My heart rate had already jumped and we hadn’t even started exercising yet.

As we got to the main workout area, he turned to me. Again, I noticed his eyes drop down to view my entire frame.

“Soon... I guess we should start with a few stretches” I said

“S…stretches…yeah…yeah of course.”

He led me over to a spare mat and I began my routine.

“That’s good Jude. You should try to a few different stretches though. Here I’ll show you”

He sat down on the mat and spread this two legs so they were as far apart as possible. He then bent forward stretching his arms to touch his toes. It seemed straight forward enough.

“Now you try”

If only I had known I was going to do this particular warm up today, I never would have worn such a small t-shirt. Connor must have seen more than he bargained for when he circled me as I bent over. How unfortunate.

“Is this okay?”

No response. I waited a few moments before turning my head back around.

“Connor?”

  
He seemed in a daze again but upon hearing his name his head snapped up. Our eyes met briefly before he lowered his gaze.

“Yeah that’s good Jude” he said while still staring at the ground.

It was at the moment that I noticed it. It was hard to be sure at first but as I looked at him the red flush spreading across his face became impossible to ignore.

_Was he really blushing? Did I make him do that?_

He raised his head and again our eyes meet. I smiled, I mean I didn’t make the conscious effort to smile I just…I couldn’t help it. He, on the other hand looked, awkward and embarrassed and even a little bit scared which didn't really make any sense to me.

Now I felt a little embarrassed myself, In fact.…yeah I’m pretty sure I’m blushing too. I break eye contact by lowering my head. Coincidentally and purely by accident my vision is again drawn to his super tight shorts. Christ they look even tighter than before. In fact…..Oh!….Oh Fuck is he? Did I give him a…?

I look up again and he must realise that I’ve noticed because he can’t seem to get away quick enough.

“Em…why don’t you hit the treadmill and I’ll be right back” he says.

I’m still speechless. As he rushes away, I just think _'did that actually happen?'_. And, why am I grinning like an idiot? Like, I’ve made some great achievement. Well I guess giving the hottest guy I’ve ever met an erection is kind of something to be proud of. Not necessarily something to put on my tombstone but still impressive nonetheless.

As I bend down to pick up my towel and water bottle, the guy on the next mat over turns to me.

“Don’t get too excited honey. Rumour has it, that boy isn’t shy when it comes to fucking around”

I don’t know why but on hearing his words, my heart drops in my chest. It shouldn’t, I mean who Connor fucks is absolutely none of my business. He probably has a different guy in his bed every night and that’s fine…really like I said none of my business.

I go about my workout on the treadmill and after 20 minutes Connor returns.

“Sorry about that. I just realised I forgot something”

“Oh no problem” I say. Still not exactly sure where to look.

“So you feel up for some free weights?”

“I don’t know” I said “I’m kinda a free weights virgin”

He giggles _Fuck! that’s adorable_

“Don’t worry. I’ll be here to save you if you bite off more than you can chew.”

Somewhat hesitantly I agree. He shows me how it’s done first and we start off on an embarrassingly low weight but still I feel a sense of pride when I’m done with my routine.

“Great work today Jude. We are really making progress”

I smile and he just smiles back. His eyes are stunning and warm and for a moment I feel like I’m floating on air.

“So I’ll see you then next week then?”

“Absolutely” I reply.

  
——————————

By the time I make it home from college that night, I’m exhausted but if I’m honest, I’m more than a little sexually charged. I drop quite a few hints to my boyfriend that tonight might be a good night to break our weeks of celibacy. He’s oblivious to my aspirations….or at least he pretends to be. Honestly, I’m not sure which would disappoint me more.

In any case, It’s at about 11.30 that night, while I am lying in bed still replaying the events from this morning, that I come to the realisation…..I can’t wait another week to see Connor again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter @hopeless_case81


	4. Am I a bad person?

  
I’m not a bad person……At least I hope I'm not. I’m polite and thoughtful, I’m loyal and trustworthy. I never talk bad about people, even when they are being total dicks!

I’m not a bad person….

—————————-

I’ve been at the gym more than once this week. Hoping to run into a certain someone. Unfortunately Connor seems to work the day shift and most days I don’t finish class in time to see him. Today though, I can get out early so as soon as my last class of the day is over I grab my gym bag and head straight there.

I rush to the locker room, getting changed in record time then I make my way to the workout area. I scan around me looking for Connor’s sandy blond hair. After a few seconds I spot him down the back at the free weights, he seems to be with a one of his other clients and I don’t want to disturb him. So I just go to one of the machines directly behind him.

I admit, I’m enjoying the view of his perfect ass. After a few moments he turns around and spots me, our eyes meet and he smiles, he smiles so brightly my stomach clenches. But he’s with a customer and I can’t interrupt. After a few more minutes he moves off along with the young man he was instructing.

From what I could make out, they appear to be quiet friendly with each other and I have to admit that peaks my curiosity. _They are probably fucking._ I wonder if I should follow them as they move to the next machine, but I don’t want to come across all.... stalkerish. So I try to keep my distance while still not loosing sight of him. Of course not being an expert in the field of covert surveillance, that’s exactly what happens.

I don’t panic, at least not at first, I’m sure he’s still here somewhere but after more than thirty minutes with no sign of him I reluctantly give up hope and head back to the locker room. I’m just about to retrieve my towel from my bag when I hear his now familiar voice behind me.

“Hey stranger” he says.

I’m smiling before I even turn around and see him standing in front of me wearing a rather skimpy looking towel. My eyes feel like their bulging out of my head. _Jesus he’s stunning_. I’m mean I’ve always known he was ridiculously attractive but this is the first time I’ve got to see his amazing chest, his chiselled abs. It’s all too much for me to process.

“Fancy meeting you here” he continues.

“Y..yeah well I thought I’d get a quick workout in after class”

“That’s my Jude” he says with an adorable chuckle

_His Jude!….Jesus!_. We continue making small talk. I deliberately delay undressing as I don’t want him to see me shirtless. Still more than a little self conscious about my body. He turns his back to me to dry off and he removes his towel.

Now there are many reasons why I shouldn’t look. Literally there must be at least twenty. I actually start counting them at one point, anything to take my mind off the fact that if I just turn my head slightly to the left I will get the perfect view of the most exquisite ass in all of creation.

But like I said, I shouldn’t look. That would be wrong….and I’m not a bad person. So I don’t look…..But I do take a peak. I’ll rationalise it to myself later I guess.

I wish I could describe the scene in more detail but if I’m honest my brain completely shuts down for the better part of a minute. I’m really not sure what’s going on but I think I actually feel faint, definitely lightheaded.

When he slips his boxers on, there’s a part of me that actually feels relief because if he had been naked for much longer I genuinely feared that I wouldn’t be able to resist reaching out and grabbing….well that’s the kind of thing to get you barred from a place like this.

I continue to delay getting undressed by pretending to search for something in my bag until eventually Connor is finished changing.

“Well bye Jude…see you soon”

“Yeah bye Connor”

I hit the showers, I’m not sure but I might have been hyperventilating. The hot water seems to help calm me though and soon I head back and dry off.

As I exit the gym about ten minutes later, I see him standing on the side of the street he had just finished a phone call and was putting his cell back in his pocket as I approached.

“Hey you’re still here?” _And the award for stating the obvious goes to…._

“Hm yeah I’m supposed to meet my roommate…well ex-roommate but he’s running late.”

It's stupid but he looks like a lost puppy. I just want to take care of him.

“Well do you want some company? We can grab a coffee or something?” 

He clearly thinks this over as he doesn’t respond straight away. It takes a few seconds and just as I’m about to break out in a mild panic I get my answer.

“Sure”

We head across the street to a small coffee place. We sit by the window. It’s nice, really nice, not the place I mean, although that’s fine, no it’s nice being here with him just talking like two regular guys…friends whatever.

“So you never told me what you’re studying?”

“English literature”

“Nice.... so read anything good lately?”

“Well we are reading a lot of poetry this semester, I like some of Lord Byron’s works”

“Ah so you’re a romantic then? I knew it”

My head snaps up “Oh so you read?” _Fuck Jude! Could you be any more condescending!_  I genuinely didn't mean it the way it sounded. It's just....Connor makes nervous and sometimes when I'm around him I say or do things without thinking. Thankfully he didn’t seem to take offence. He just laughed

“Well I mostly just look at the pictures” He’s smiling _He's beautiful_.

“Okay Okay I guess I walked right into that one smart ass”

He’s giggling _My hearts melting_.

We continued to talk for the next twenty minutes he tells me about how his roommate, his ex-roommate Marc moved in with his girlfriend two weeks earlier. How they were heading out to some bar down the street called The Wild Rover tomorrow night. He tells me how he wants to study sports science next year, he tells me a lot of things and I'm hanging off every word.

Not only is he physically the most stunning human being ever to walk the face of the planet but he is also really sweet and genuine and funny in a dorky sort of way. Which was perfect for me of course as I’m a total dork myself, at least once you get to know me.

As he gripped his coffee cup, I found myself starring at his hands, his tanned fingers, I wondered what those hands would feel like…warm I guessed they looked warm. My mind started to think about those hands touching me, holding me…..

I was awoken from my daydream by Connor’s phone. His friend would be here in five minutes apparently.

“Well I guess I better be going” I said taking the last sip of my beverage.

“Y…you don’t have to go”

I didn’t want to….I really didn’t

“I really should.”

“Right yeah I guess your boyfriend is waiting for you”

_My boyfriend….yeah_

I just nodded.

“Well I’ll see you Connor”

“Yeah” he responded “Thanks for the Coffee, take care Jude”

I smiled and then I left.

  
I cheated on my boyfriend tonight…..I mean not in the usual sense of the word. I did’t hook up with some random stranger or anything, I'm not like that, but as I walked home I realised that the time I spent with Connor in that coffee house was the most enjoyable time I’ve spent with another person for..…well for a long time. So yeah as far as I was concerned I cheated on my boyfriend.

I got home a little after seven. Owen was on the couch watching TV. I’m not a bad person. It’s time I was honest with him. Time we were honest with each other. One way or another I couldn’t keep living like this….and I guess neither could he.

He wasn’t mad, he didn’t scream or shout. If he was disappointed, he hid it well. If anything he seemed......relieved. Christ he didn’t even ask me to leave. He was here first after all, he had every right. We talked it all through. I’m not sure if he has met someone else. The thought certainly crossed my mind but I didn't feel it was appropriate to ask. Either way I just want him to be happy, he’s a good person.

“So how is this going to work?” he asked

“I’ll figure something out” I said “But it’s okay if I use the spare room until I find a place to stay?”

“Sure…and Jude…I’m sorry for..... everything. I guess you and me…we just weren’t right together.”

It's probably the most meaningful conversation we've ever had with each other.

"I just hope we can still be friends"

As I make up the bed in the spare room I pause and grab my phone and text Ian and Noah, two of my friends from college. I tell them about Owen and me. They offer their sympathy of course but make it clear that we made the right decision to end it.

“Why don’t we go out tomorrow night and get wasted” Ian says

“I was hoping you’d say that”

“Where do you wanna go?”

“I have an idea” I reply

  
————————-

 

I’m not a bad person…….but sometimes......sometimes I make mistakes………and I’m about to make a big one.

 


	5. Random Encounters

“You sure you’re okay?

“Yeah….yeah it’s for the best. I mean it just didn’t feel right you know.”

Of course they probably didn’t know. Ian and Noah were totally in love. They had been since the moment they first met on the first day of freshman year. Now they are totally inseparable and often when I was around them I couldn’t help feel jealous about what they had.

We were sitting in a bar, The Wild Rover, it was called. I’ve never been here before but I thought I’d give it a try. It was a fairly typical college bar. Nothing to write home about. It was pretty full, just the odd free space at the bar. We sat in at a table, my eyes furiously scanning the area. Luckily I was quite good at playing it cool.

“Looking for something?” Noah asked.

“Don’t tell me you already have your eye on a new boyfriend.” added Ian

“As if…he’s probably just looking for a little fun”

“Guys! I’m sitting right here.”

“Well we wouldn’t judge. Especially with some of the cuties in here tonight” Noah continued

Ian lightly hit Noah on the shoulder”

“Ahem…boyfriend within earshot”

“Oh you know you’re the only one for me baby.”

“Hmmm sometimes I wonder.”

As he spoke I noticed Ian’s eyes become fixed on a someone walking behind me.

Noah nudged him.

“Em sweetie….wipe the drool”

“What? He’s stunning!”

I looked over my shoulder and sure enough it was Connor entrance that had grabbed Ian’s attention. He walked behind me leaning against the bar with another guy who I assumed was the ex-roommate he told me about.

“You think he has a boyfriend” Ian asked

“He might.... but you _certainly_ do!” Noah snapped in a sarcastic tone.

Ian leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his boyfriends lips. They both laughed. I smiled quietly to myself wondering if they knew how lucky they were to have found each other.

As the night progressed and one drink became two, three, four etc. I found myself glancing at Connor more and more. Once again my surveillance skills let me down as I’m pretty sure his friend spots me. He leans into Connor and nods in my direction.

Shit! I’ve been made!

Connor turns his body 90 degrees and sees me. A smile breaks out on his gorgeous face and he waves at me. I respond with a rather weak wave back hoping not to draw too much attention to myself.

“Wait…What was that?”

“What?”

“You waving at that hunk at the bar. Do you know Thor over there?”

“Well actually he’s a trainer at my gym”

Both of them looked at each other in shock as if they were trying to decide which one got to speak first. It seems Ian won.

“Okay firstly…You doing physical exercise? We are going to talk about that but more importantly…which gym?!”

“Seriously sweetie do we need to have a talk.” Noah said.

“I’m sorry it’s just….shit he’s coming over.”

“Jude!” Connor said obviously a little buzzed. “Didn’t expect to see you here”

“Oh yeah” I responded “This is one of my favourite bars.”

Ian and Noah turned to each other with an incredulous look on their faces. I ignored it.

“Erm these are my friends Ian and Noah….guys this is Connor, my fitness instructor.”

“Nice to meet you” Ian said “You must have your work cut out for you with this guy huh?”

Connor laughed before responding. “ Nah Jude’s one of my favourites. He’s very dedicated."

“That’s our Jude” Noah added “Always eager to please”

If looks could kill, the glare I gave Noah would of sent him straight to the gates of hell.

“Well I better get back to my friend. We should have a drink together later.

“Yeah definitely!”

 

After about 40 minutes of me not paying the slightest bit of attention to what my friends were saying, it seemed they have finally lost patience with me.

“So how long are we going to keep up this pretence?”

“S-sorry what pretence?”

“The pretence that you aren’t going to ditch us and head over to Hunky McHunkyson over there.”

“Would that make me a bad friend” I asked

“No but not telling us every filthy detail tomorrow would.”

“Guys come on I’m not like that.”

“Oh sure. Now why don’t we get out of your way.”

As they got up to leave Ian turned to Noah.

“So is it okay if I call you Connor tonight?”

Noah gigged “Sweetie you play your cards right and you can call me whatever you like.”

Once they were both out of sight I hesitantly approached the bar.

“Hey there” I said sheepishly

“Hey…What happened to your friends?”

“Oh they ditched me.”

“That’s too bad, pull up a chair., Jude this is Marc, Marc, Jude.

I sat for the next hour or so as Connor and Marc laughed and joked with eachother. They were obviously very close. They had been friends since high school apparently.

“So that’s about it then, he dumped me for this girlfriend.”

“It’s not my fault Jude really. She was insisting we move in together.”

I just laughed. I loved the ease with which they interacted together. Connor seemed really relaxed he had a constant smile on his face. I loved seeing him so happy.

“So what about you Jude you got a girlfriend?” Marc asked

Before I got a chance to answer. Connor chimed in.

“Actually Jude here plays for my team.”

“Oh that’s cool”

“And yes” Connor continued “He has a boyfriend”

“Well actually….we sorta broke up.”

“Oh shit I’m sorry sorry man.” Marc said while Connor looked away briefly before adding. “ Yeah sorry to hear that Jude”

“It’s okay it was a long time coming.”

“Well maybe you are better off as a longterm bachelor like our boy Connor here.” Marc said

“I can’t believe you are single!” I really couldn’t I mean the guy could be a model.

“Oh Connor doesn’t really do boyfriends.” Marc added

Suddenly my mind was brought back to that guy in the gym who insinuated that Connor was…. well promiscuous. I don’t know why but that made me feel a little sad. But it seemed true, Connor had no interest in long term relationships. I guess they aren’t for everyone.

“Fuck is that the time. Melissa is going to kill me.” There was genuine panic on Marc’s face.

Connor chuckled  “Man you are so whipped”

“I gotta go dude you coming with?”

Connor looked at me like he didn't know what to say.

  
“Em I’m good, gonna finish my drink. I’ll catch you tomorrow though.”

“Okay. It was great to meet you Jude. Make sure this one doesn’t get too drunk.”

I waved goodbye and then we were alone…just me and Connor. The was no denying there was some nervous tension or energy whatever you want to call it. I probably made him uncomfortable by staring at him too much. I was pretty drunk at this stage, not out of my mind or anything but my inhibitions were definitely lowered. This was a dangerous situation….a dangerous and exciting situation.

I definitely shouldn’t drink anymore. Maybe that’s why when Connor asked me if I wanted another I said “Maybe I should call it a night”

“Really? It’s still early. Why don’t we go somewhere else” Connor said

“L-like where?”

“Well we could hit a club or something”

“I don’t know”

Connor leaned back in his chair and smiled.

“Oh come on Jude….Let’s make a night of it!"

 

 


	6. The Chase

I could hear the music long before we made our way inside. It didn’t take long, probably about half a second, to realise it was a gay club. Of course I should have known really.

It was dark and hot and as soon as I walked through the doors a wave of anxiety hit me. I imagined that this was one of Connor’s usual haunts. Probably where he usually picks up guys before bringing them back to his place for a night of sensational but once-off sex.

“So shots?”  
“O-Okay”

We proceeded to the bar. The place was pretty full but somehow we managed to find a space for the two of us to stand, well lean against the bar anyway. I can’t remember the name of the shots he ordered. They tasted a little like liquorice. _Mental note to never have them again!_

The place was loud, too loud to have a real conversation, but that didn’t stop Connor from leaning in to speak in my ear. He asked me if I’d ever been here before. At least, I think thats what he asked, it was kinda hard to make out over the music, plus I may have been a little distracted by his close proximity. In fact, I couldn’t help gasp at the feeling of his breath on my ear. I’m not sure he noticed. But one thing he surely must of noticed, just I as did, is that our forearms were touching, as they rested side by side on the bar.

I could feel the tiny hairs on his arm. Jesus! that shouldn’t turn me on…but it does. I can't handle this!

“More shots!” I ask, but it really wasn’t a question. I just needed something…anything to break the tension.

After downing yet another shot I couldn’t help wonder if this is where it happens. Where he makes his move. Will he put his hand on my knee? Will he lean over and suggest we go somewhere quieter…like his place?

I couldn’t let that happen.

Don’t get me wrong, the thoughts of him kissing me, touching me….Fuck!, it sent a rush of desire through my whole body. Lets face it, that's the reason why I came out tonight, why I wanted to go somewhere I knew he would be. But now that I’m here…. in this situation, I just…..I can’t.

The thoughts of being used as someones play thing and then discarded once I had fulfilled my usefulness. No that just wasn’t me. I needed…..more.

And yet, despite my internal protests, I couldn’t help obsess over the fact that our ams were still touching and that felt….nice. Shit, more than nice, it was….electric! I wonder if he feels it too. Probably not!

I notice a guy at the other end of the bar staring at us, well staring at Connor really. He’s probably not the only one, I mean he’s gorgeous. But it makes me wonder, maybe he is one of Connor’s previous conquests. Probably looking for a repeat performance. Connor seems oblivious to the attention he is receiving.

Connor seems a little on edge and I’m not sure why. I should be the one who’s freaking out and maybe I am. I try not to look at him. That will help. But I can’t stop stealing glances. His nose, his chin, my heart race increases, I feel it.

I don’t dance. I find the whole activity embarrassing as fuck. So I must have been desperate, when I turned to him and suggest we hit the dance floor. I just needed to stop thinking, stop analysing everything and this was the only thing I could think of.

I tried to keep my distance of course. Didn’t want to get too close. It was hot and sweaty and all I could think of is why do people do this? That’s a lie of course because all I could really think of is Connor and when is he was going to pull me close to him.

He didn’t, in fact he seemed to be keeping his distance from me too. That guy from earlier, the one from the bar had obviously seen him dancing and was making his move. He was making his intentions pretty clear dancing provocatively in front of Connor and I wondered, I wondered if Connor would go home with him tonight. I turn my back on them. Just because I don’t want to be his one night stand doesn’t mean I want to see him hook up with someone else.

I stand there, well, I’m dancing because it would look weird if I stopped but I feel dejected. I should probably just go. Leave them to it.

I take a step to leave, then I feel it, an arm from behind me wrap around my waist, no two arms.

“You’re not leaving are you?”

I turn my head to look at him slightly.

“I-I just thought……” I don’t get to finish.

“Do you wanna dance with me?”

He wraps his arms tighter around my waist and I lean back into him rubbing up against him while he moves my hips with his hands. It doesn’t take long for me to feel it. The growing hardness in his jeans. Not that I can talk of course. I don’t think I’ve ever been so hard in my life. I continue rubbing my ass against him. I rest the side of my head against his chest. Jesus I can feel his heart beating like a jackhammer. Come to think of it maybe it’s from the music but I’d like to think that it’s because of me.

He leans down to my ear.

“You better stop that or I’m gonna make a mess.”

I turn around wrap my arms around the back of his neck and interlace my fingers.

“I’m sure you can _handle_ it” I say while his hands are still on my hips swaying me from side to side.

I staring at him now, like full on stalker staring at him. At his eyes. Even in the darkness of the club, they are bright and beautiful. Just like him. We stay there in that position for I don’t know how long just staring at each other.

We aren’t dancing. We are doing a lot of things but dancing isn’t one of them. I just…fuck I can’t take my eyes off him. His skin is glowing, probably from sweat and fuck it I know I’m totally losing control.

Now I could lie of course and say he initiated it. That he seduced me with his amazing smile and adorable face. But the truth is that I made the first move, I moved my hands placing them firmly on the back of his neck. I leaned up and connected our lips.

It was….indescribable! The feeling of his moist lips against mine. The taste of him sent a shiver down my spine and then his tongue, fuck! when his tongue touched mine I actually whimpered. I just couldn’t get enough.

He pulled our bodies together. No distance between us. I could feel his erection and I’m sure he could feel mine. My hands alternated between ruffling his hair and squeezing the back of his neck. I don’t know how long we stood there passionately kissing the crap out of each other. Our tongues combining around each other in some seductive dance. It was the most sexually charged moment of my life. After….well I’m not really sure how long, he broke the kiss.

“Wow!”

“Yeah” I was smiling like an idiot

“That was…Wow’

“Yeah” apparently that was the only word I was confidently able to say right now.

“Fuck I need a drink to cool down, you want one?”

“Sure”

He took his hands away from my hips and just stood there smiling for a moment before walking to the bar.

Should I follow him? Is that what he wants? For me to follow him? What am I supposed to do? I stand there awkwardly for a moment while Connor makes his way to get us some drinks.

Then I notice a guy, he must of come out of nowhere because I didn't see him approach. He’s looking me up and down while he dances up next to me. Like I'm a piece of meat.  _Subtle!_ He’s big, bigger than me anyway and not particularly attractive. I back up a bit towards the wall.

He follows me and leans in. I don’t hear everything he says. All I can really make out is “good time!” I start to panic a little. I don’t want anything to do with this guy or whatever he thinks a ‘good time’ entails. I try to move away but he has moved to block me, dancing up against me pinning me next to the wall. I try to move the opposite way around him, but he blocks me again. I look over, Connor is still at the bar paying for the drinks.

I’m feeling more and more uncomfortable and this guy is really not taking the hint. Just then Connor turns around scanning the dance floor for me. I pray to the god that I don’t believe in that he sees me. He doesn’t. He turns back to the bar to collect his change from the barman.

I try to push this guy away from me, but he he seems to see that as some form or foreplay.

I look back toward Connor as he turns around again. _Please! I’m over here!_

He sees me finally. In the space of second his face goes from a smile to a frown as he notices the guy dancing next to me. He just stands there. Maybe he thinks I’m interested in this guy as there is a sad look on his face. But then he must see the panic in my eyes because somehow in less than 5 seconds he makes his way across the club to us.

He stands next to they guy who of course notices him straight away. He backs away a little and Connor immediately moves to stand beside me glaring at that fucker the whole time. He puts his right arm around my waist. That done it. The guy finally seems to get the message.

“You okay?”

“Y-Yeah….Thanks”

“Come on”

We head back to the bar where Connor had left our drinks.

“I’m sorry about that Jude. Some of the guys here are pretty full on”

“It’s o-okay…N-not your fault”

I down my drink in record time, partly because I’m still kinda nervous and partly because I’m hot as fuck. We stay for another one but it doesn't take long for Connor to notice my apprehension.

“Come on let’s get out of here”

As we make our way through the exit and the cool air hits my face. I feel my anxiety wash away. The feeling doesn’t last long as I immediately spot the guy from the dance floor on the side of the street trying to hail a cab with some other stranger.

Connor sees him too of course.

“Come on let’s get the fuck out of here” he says.

Seems like the perfect plan to me but it seems the loser from the club has to get the last word in.

“Hey you might want to tell you’re little tease of a boyfriend to stop leading people on”

Connor turned and I swear to god he looked like he was going to kill the guy. His eye’s were wild and his whole body tensed up. He took a step toward the guy and I stepped into his way putting my hands on his rock hard chest.

“Please Connor! Please lets just go.”

He looked at me. His eyes immediately shift from anger to something else. I can’t quite make it out.

“Please” I say again.

“Okay lets get out of here.”

We walk a little down the street.

“So that was intense.” As I say it I wonder if he knows what part I mean.

“Yeah I’m sorry again”

“It’s okay really. You were my saviour…..So I guess we should call it a night”

“Yeah….unless….You wanna come back to mine. I only live 3 blocks away.”

It’s at this point I wonder. Was this inevitable. Was it always going to end up like this. Was there anyway I wasn’t going to end up going back to his. Was all my talk earlier complete bullshit. I guess this is the moment of truth.

“I mean if you want to, I-I have beers in fridge, but it’s really up to you….do you want to?

 

“Yes”


	7. The Workout

It’s amazing how quickly people can rationalise things. When I left my apartment earlier tonight I was sure that I would be returning there alone. Sure I had some fantasies that ended slightly differently but I know myself and I know that random sex with virtual strangers just isn’t me. 

So a few hours later as I’m walking down the street on my way back to Connor’s I feel the need to justify my decision, I decide that it’s just a matter of getting it out or my system, that, and the alcohol means my conscience is clear.

We don’t talk much on the short walk to his apartment and as he inserts his key into his door, the thought that this was my last opportunity to back out of this whole thing crosses my mind. But before I have time to think about I’m already inside. 

I take a moment to review my surroundings. I nonchalantly examine the furniture and a few framed pictures dotted around the room.

“Can I get you anything?…Are you hungry?”

“No…J-Just thirsty”

“Oh Okay….What would you like to drink?”

“N-Nothing”

“Oh!”

Before I can blink he has closed the gap between us and is standing right in front of me. He stares at me intently and I just stare back my mouth open slightly and my heart beating out of my chest. He seems nervous and I can’t help but wonder why. He must have done this dozens of times. 

His eyes continue to be fixed on mine and I’m lost…lost in his eyes. Since the first moment I saw this guy, there was so much about him that I found attractive, irresistible really but this is the first time I’ve really looked at his eyes and I can’t…I can’t tear myself away. 

His hands wrap around my shoulders holding me in place, as if I needed that, as if there was anywhere I’d rather be. His mouth opens and can feel his breath brush over my face. And then…then he leans in and his lips connect with mine. 

It’s soft, softer than I thought it would be and his lips are warm and moist. It takes a few moments for my brain to fully register the sensation but instinctively I open my mouth to allow his tongue entry and then I taste it, I taste him. At first, it’s just the alcohol but then there’s something else, I can’t quite put my finger on it but it tastes wonderful and more intoxicating than any alcohol could be.

My hands wrap around his waist as his right hand drops from my shoulder to my lower back, his left reaches around the back of my head fumbling with my hair. We stay like that…kissing the hell out of each other for….well I’m not sure for how long before I get the irresistible urge to feel more, feel closer. 

I reach up to grip the bottom of his T-shirt, lifting it slightly until he gets the message. He raises his arms and breaks the kiss to allow me to lift his top over his head. Then I take a step back and take in the sight before me. I knew he was gorgeous, attractive, sexy as hell but he was more than that, he was beautiful and warm and I couldn’t stop myself from reaching up and laying my hand on his chest. I felt him take a sharp intake of breath. Before I take a stop closer and connect our lips again.

We continue to kiss as he leads me to his bedroom. As soon as we cross the threshold, he lifts my shirt off and immediately kisses my nipple. If i wasn’t so turned on, I’d probably faint from a lack of blood flow to my brain. His attention returns to my mouth as his tongue continues to gently massage my own, so soft, yet so intense as I let out of moan of pure pleasure. 

Without making a conscious decision to do so my hands start unbuttoning his jeans. Once all the buttons are undone I slowly peel his jeans down his thighs. He takes a step back breaking our kiss and steps out of his jeans leaving just his boxers. 

He’s absolutely fucking stunning and I know, I know it’s big, that much is obvious but still it takes me by surprise when he slides his boxers down and his huge perfectly formed dick springs up hitting his lower stomach. Oh God! I can’t possibly take that it’s too big…too thick. I’m in trouble here. That’s what I’m thinking anyway but if course that’s not what I say.

“i-Is that for me?”

He smiles so brightly I feel my knees going weak and my face blush. I'm so ridiculous.

“You’re so adorable” he says as he again closes the gap between us.

His hands cup my face as he reconnects our lips. My left hand starts unbuttoning my jeans as my right one wraps around his throbbing dick. He gasps at the contact as I remove my jeans and underwear in one smooth motion. Within half a second he removes his hands from my face and instead plants them firmly on my ass pulling me closer so that our dicks, our bodies, our everything is pressed together. 

His tongue again invades my mouth and I can’t get enough, can’t get enough of him. Maybe that’s why I drop to my knees so eagerly. He stares down at me as he rubs his dick over my lips and of course I can’t help but kiss the tip. His whole body shudders and I feel as sense of pride having elicited such a reaction from him. 

“Jude…” 

I don’t wait for him to continue, instead I envelope his rock hard cock with my mouth. My senses are immediately flooded by his scent and his taste. The weight of his fully erect dick weighing on my mouth as I enthusiastically begin bobbing my head up and down.

“Fuck Jude!”

Again a sense of pride fills me, it seems I’m not a complete novice when it comes to pleasuring this guy and that’s all I can think about, pleasuring him making him feel just as turned on as I am. I know that would be impossible but I’m going to give it my all. God hates a quitter after all. 

The harder I suck the more of his precum I can taste which of course only makes me suck even harder, running my tongue up the length of his shaft and over the tip savouring the taste, the smell. He whimpers and pulls away. Staring at me, eyes wide as he reaches down to this bedside locker pulling out a bottle of lube. 

He pushes me against the wall and kisses my neck and running his tongue up to my ear. His hand drops to my my dick which is leaking so much it’s almost embarrassing. He cups my balls gently rubbing them before his hand reaches under and teases my opening with his finger before he gently pushes in.

“Oh Fuck!”

“You like that?”

I nod because…well I can’t really speak. But can you blame me?

“I’m gonna fuck you so good…make you mine”

Those words seemed to have some profound effect on me as I wrap my arms around his neck and intertwine my fingers.

“Please”

He pushes me against the wall, I feel his dick brushing against my ass checks.

“You want it?”

I don’t respond, not verbally anyway. But I lift my legs, wrapping them around his waist as I hear the pop of the bottle briefly followed by the feeling of his finger coating my entrance with lube. He slides a finger inside and my back arches knowing that the pleasure is nothing compared to what I’m about to feel.

“Don’t make me beg!”

“I wouldn’t do that”

It seems, Connor is a man of his word as within seconds he withdraws his finger and I immediately feel his cock teasingly rubbing against my hole. Again the thought runs through my mind that he is too big, too thick for any normal human being to take. Of course my mouth and brain don’t seem to be communicating in this moment as I lean down and whisper in his ear.

“Please…now”

My breath quickens as he slowly begins to push against my entrance. Fuck it’s too big, there’s no way, he’s too…Fuck. It hurts, the pain, the dull ache as he pushes deeper and deeper inch by inch and then there’s the pinching sensation just before he finally passes through my barrier and he’s in…he’s all the way in and I feel….full. I’ve never felt so full in my life. My legs tighten around his waist and my nails dig into his back as he slowly begins to move in and out.

“Oh Fuck”

“You Okay?”

“K-keep…keep going” 

After a few thrusts, I begin to get used to the intense pleasure I feel in every corner of my body, I start to bounce up and down on his amazing cock.

“Fuck Jude…you’re so tight…so good”

I lean down and kiss him, immediately forcing my tongue into his mouth. The deep moan he gives signalling that he’s enjoying the sensation as he continues to pound my hole. Eventually his legs seem to get weak so he lifts me over to his bed gently placing me down before lifting my legs over his shoulders. Once again he’s inside me and I need it…I need him. He leans down kissing my lips my neck as his hands interlink with my own. 

“So good Jude…You’re amazing”

Actually he’s the amazing one but who am I to argue. His tongue runs along my neck and jawline until he finds my mouth again and then our lips connect. Our lips, our bodies everything is connected as we cling to each other. 

To say I lose track of time is a bit of an understatement hell I don’t even know what year it is at this stage all I can think of is him, his body, his tongue, his cock, his…eyes. After I don’t know how long, he breaks the kiss.

“Jude I’m gonna…I’m gonna”

I wrap my arms around his neck.

“Me too”

He smiles at me before he gives me one more deep thrust. My back arches off the bed as I feel him coming, filing me up, making me his just like he promised. The sensation almost make me black out as I shoot my own load all over my chest and stomach. After about a minute of heavy panting we both come down off our highs. He looks at me.

“Wow”

“Yeah” I look down at my body. “Sorry looks like I made a mess”

“Let me take care of that.”

He proceeds to lean down and slowly lick my stomach. Making sure to clean up my mess by running his tongue over every inch of me. 

I’m dizzy as he comes and rests his head next me, embracing me in a tender kiss which does nothing to alleviate my lightheadedness. I trace my finger down his chest as he snuggles up against me. I should go get my phone and set an alarm or something I probably have stuff to do tomorrow…probably. What day is tomorrow anyway? 

I’m so tired though, I can barely keep my eyes open let alone move. I turn my head to look at Connor, his breathing has slowed as he drifts off to sleep. The last thing I remember is kissing him on the forehead before my eyelids give way.

I think I earned a good nights sleep...we both did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - This update may contain some smut.
> 
> I guess I should have put this at the start of the chapter...oh well :)


	8. Regrets & Regrets

  
The room was warm, too warm really as I delicately tried to open my eyes, trying desperately to avoid the direct sunlight beaming in through the window. I was vaguely aware of where I was, although I don’t think I was aware that I was aware, if that makes sense…probably not… anyway it was only a split second later that I felt it. An arm, a warm, large, tanned arm draped over my chest. Suddenly I was aware of everything.

  
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! What did I do? Holy shit! My mind was racing. I had to piece this together. So clearly I spent the night here at Connor’s, with Connor, in the same bed, I must have fallen asleep after…after….FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

Okay so we had sex, mind blowing amazing sex. Oh God, I…I barely know him. Shit he’s gonna wake up any minute and then give me some line about how he has some early personal trainer business meeting or some shit. Fuck how embarrassing! I need to get out of here!

I quickly get up “Where the fuck is my underwear?…Oh there it is” I had almost got the rest of my clothes on when I hear the bed creak.

“Jude?”

“Oh hey”

“You’re leaving?”

“Hm yeah I mean I’ve got somewhere to be. I better just…”

“Wait Jude don’t go!”

“I’m sorry I have to…this…this was a mistake.”

“Jude please!”

I don’t look back, I guess I’m too ashamed, embarrassed ,overwhelmed. Take your pick.

When I finally get home, I just sit on the couch with my head in my hands. I don’t know why but I feel like I’m gonna cry. I stay there for ah hour or so before I finally pull myself together. It was just a drunken mistake, I tell myself. I fucked up but everyone fucks up sometimes. At least I got out of there before Connor could get all awkward and weird. I just needed to put this whole episode behind me. That shouldn’t be too hard right?….

I spent the next few days devoted to my school work and barely thought about Connor and the night we spent together…barely at all. I mean sure it crossed my mind a couple of times maybe once….twice an hour….Fuck!… anyway I knew that it wouldn’t be long before I had to face him again, my next appointment at the gym was fast approaching.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about not showing up but then, what kind of a coward would that make me? Sure it will be awkward at first but I have to face it like a man, I have to see him again. I want to see him again.

My heart was beating faster than usual as I entered the main entrance to the gym. My eyes rapidly darting from one corner to the other to see if I could spot him. When I saw no sign of him I headed to the locker room to get changed,

I emerged a few minutes later and made my way to the reception desk politely informing the receptionist that I was waiting for my appointment. As the minutes passed I began to pace back and forth, Maybe this was a mistake after all, maybe I should of cancelled. Jesus what was I doing here? There is no way this could end well. I turned and took my first step back towards the locker room when…

“Jude?”

My body snapped around before I even had a chance to properly register everything. I stood there in a confused daze.

“Excuse me. Are you Jude?”

“Y-Yes”

“Hi my name is James”

“Where’s Connor?”

“Oh Connor’s changed his shift. I’ll be your trainer from now on.”

I was frozen to the spot ‘ _changed his shift_ ’, what did that mean? Why would he…..? Was it because of me? Obviously that fact that I was still silent didn’t go unnoticed.

“Is..Is that okay?”

“Em sure…yeah of course.” My heart sank

I can’t really remember the rest of my gym session. I mean we did the usual routine but my mind was…well lets just say I wasn’t focused. James seemed nice, he really did, it’s just…it wasn’t the same. I didn’t feel, well I didn’t feel whatever it was I felt when I was with Connor.

I needed to process everything, to clear my head. So I picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey Ian…you guys busy?”

———————————————-

“So are you going to tell us or do we have to drag it out of you?” Noah asked

“Tell you what?”

“Oh I don’t know why you demanded we go drinking with you, why you seem so preoccupied, why you dragged us to this bar again”

“Wait that’s it” Ian interrupted “You’re hoping to see that handsome gym bunny here again aren’t you?”

“What? No”

“What was his name again? Kyle..?”

“Connor”

“Right Connor. How could I forget. So you have a little crush on him huh? I can’t blame you I mean the guy is a walking orgasm.”

“Sweetie why don’t you have another drink and cool down” Noah said before turning to me

“Now Jude tell your friend Noah all about it”

“There’s nothing to tell really!”

“Well there should be” Ian interjected as he sipped his cocktail “Because that boy clearly has a thirst for you honey.”

“What?”

“What do you mean what? Surely I’m not the only one that noticed how he was looking at you the other night.”

“I think what my charming boyfriend means to say is that maybe there was a little sexual tension between you too.”

Ian slammed his glass on the table.

“A little sexual tension! well that’s an understatement. He couldn’t take his eyes off you. Clearly that boy is smitten. You don’t know how lucky you are. I would do terrible things to him…terrible things!….I mean if I was single of course”

“Keep going like this and you will be!”

“Sorry” Ian said “It’s just it’s pretty obvious this Connor guy is sweet on you Jude. I mean the way he looked at you, Fuck!”

“You’re crazy. I mean it’s not like I’m much to look at.”

“Honey you are adorable you just need a little self confidence. Now I say you call up Mr. Orgasm and invite him out for a drink. Believe me, he will say yes.”

“Actually I don’t think he will.”

“Why’s that?” Noah said as he leaned across the table.

“Em…we kinda…I mean me and him we….”

“No!” Ian shrieked as he slammed his glass down again.

“You lucky bitch!”

“It’s not like that…I mean I guess it was but..”

“Tell me every disgusting detail. Is he big? I bet he is isn’t he? I don’t supposed you recorded it.”

“For fuck sake! will you tone it down! You are going to get yourself arrested.”

Noah was clearly losing his patience

Ian looked sheepishly at his boyfriend.

“Sorry I guess I do get a little overexcited”

“I know you do. It’s one of the things I love about you but just save your excitement for when we get home okay?”

Ian grinned widely while reaching for his boyfriends hand. As their fingers intertwined Noah turned to me again.

“So how do you feel about all this Jude?”

“I don’t know I mean at the time I just thought it was a drunken mistake, you know a one time thing but now….now I can’t stop thinking about it...about him.”

“Well what did he say?….you know afterwards?”

“I didn’t really give him a chance. I just kinda ran out of there before he got a chance to…you know let me down gently”

Now it was Ian’s turn to lean in. “Jude what makes you think that he wouldn’t want to see you again?”

“Come on guys, I mean look at me…and look at him.”

Ian and Noah both glanced at each other and frowned.

“Jude honey maybe you should give him a call because the way that boy looked at you that night…well I just think you should call him.”

  
——————————————-

  
My night out with the boys did nothing to alleviate my guilt or confusion. I found myself regularly hanging out at the gym hoping I would casually run into Connor but alas it wasn’t to be.

After yet another failed attempt I headed over to the coffee shop across the street and perched myself at the window hoping I could spot him….but totally in a non-stalker way. Eventually I admitted defeat and headed for the exit.

It was just then that I ran straight into Marc, Connor’s friend and ex-roommate. We had met before and he seemed really nice but this time the smile on his face disappeared as soon as he saw me.

“Marc”

“Oh it’s you.”

“Em yeah…listen I was just wondering how Con…”

“Listen Jude I’m really not in the mood to discuss Connor…especially with you.”

“Why is he o-okay?

“As if you care!”

“What…what do you mean of course I do.”

“Is that why you slept with him and then just ignored him!…I’ve spent the last week trying to fix him. You really did a number on him.”

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean…”

“Look I don’t care what you meant. I’ve know Connor since high school. He’s the kindest sweetest person I know and you…you just used him for sex.”

“No it wasn’t like that really.”

“Let me guess you took his flirting as sign you could just mess around huh well Connor’s not like that despite what you may have heard."

“I’m sorry, it’s not like that really, I care about him I really do.”

“You have a funny way of showing it. Now if you don’t mind I’m in a rush.”

With that, he walked past me like I didn’t exist. I guess it’s no more than I deserved. Eventually I found myself at home sitting on the couch just staring at the blank TV screen. I couldn’t get the image of Connor’s face out of my mind. His bright smile, his warm eyes. How could I have messed things up so much. How could I have been so fucking stupid.

I didn’t notice the first few tears rolling down my cheek. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so lonely…so dejected…I was a truly terrible person. But I couldn’t let Connor go on thinking that I just used him. I had to confront him. Even if he hated me, even if he never wanted to see me again, I had to tell him the truth.

 

As far as I was concerned he was all that mattered now.


	9. Don't leave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok sorry for taking so long to complete this. I had two variations of the last chapter and it was a real struggle to finally decide on one. But here it is. Hope you enjoy.

“Jude?…Earth to Jude?”

“Huh?”

“What’s up with you lately?”

“Oh nothing”

“Jude come on you can talk to me you know.”

Owen was right, I guess I had been a little distracted lately and he was also correct when he said I could talk to him. In fact since we broke up we suddenly found ourselves communicating more than we ever did when we were together. Still it wasn’t quite at the stage where I felt comfortable telling him about what had happened with Connor. Maybe I was embarrassed to tell him about how I had a one night stand with my gym instructor, or maybe I was just too ashamed about how I treated him afterwards. Either way I kept it to myself.

“I’m fine really. I’m just worried about mid-terms”

“OK well I’ll see you later then, I better get to class”

I nodded as Owen made his way around my chair and out the door. I just sat there staring at my cereal. It had been over a week since I made the decision to confront Connor, to tell him the truth about..about everything. A week, and despite my best efforts I hadn’t accidentally run into him at the coffee place or randomly seen him at the gym.

You wouldn’t believe some of the messed up shit that crossed my mind these last few days. I had even considered making up fake social media accounts so I could flat out stalk him but then what kind of crazy would that make me.

The truth is I knew what had to be done, I just needed to go to Connor’s place and tell him. I had put it off long enough. Today was going to be the day…it had to be. I couldn’t go on like this.

It was Friday and Friday’s usually pass pretty quickly for me but not today, Today time seemed to slow down. I had changed my mind several times during the day because well because I’m Jude and indecisiveness is sort of my thing. But deep down I knew I had to finally deal with this…with him.

After class I made my way home, fixed myself something to eat, had a shower etc anything to kill time. I thought the best thing to do would be to wait until the gym was closed for the day and then I’d make my way over to his place.

I honestly don’t know how long it took me to walk the relatively short distance to his apartment. I was constantly repeating what I was going to say in my head. I had it all planned out. I was going to say what I needed to say and then…and then well I guess that’s up to him. He’ll probably shout at me, maybe throw me out and that’s fine at least then maybe I wouldn’t feel like this…Fuck! I’ll probably feel worse. Maybe I should turn back.

But of course that seems like a waste now as I’m standing outside his fucking apartment block. A middle aged man walks out the main door and holds it open for me as if he’s taunting me to go in. I nod politely and thank him before proceeding inside.

As I’m walking up the stairs I take a moment to compose myself…to breath. This is so fucked up. I am so fucked up. What exactly am I expecting to happen here…Fuck how did I end up in this situation. Too late for all that now I guess. I’m standing outside his door. I should go. I should go and never come back. But I don’t go, instead I’m lifting my right arm and I’m knocking on the door.

I’ve waited for God it must be 2.5 seconds. Clearly he’s not home no point hanging around, that’s 3 seconds now obviously he’s not here, in fact its Friday night he’s probably out with his friends or a guy or fuck Jude don’t think about that. 4 seconds now, it’s time to go, I tried. I did my best it’s not my fault he’s not here. Is that a noise coming from his apartment? No probably not because he’s not here and the sound of the door chain is probably just my imagination. But I’m pretty sure the bolt unlocking isn’t and the handle twisting and…Fuck.

I’m standing there and I had it all planned out remember, I knew exactly what I was going to say. Except I can’t seem to say anything because my throat is dry and I can’t swallow properly and I’m fidgeting with my hands and sweating.

“Jude?”

No response, he probably thinks I’m having a stroke.

“What are you doing here?”

“Em can I talk to you…please”

“Jude I really don’t think…”

“Please…”

He seems to think about it for a moment then he reluctantly holds the door open and gestures for me to enter. I do so hesitantly.

“So what is it you want Jude?”

“W-well I just…I mean I wanted to…. Look Connor about what happened between us…”

“It’s fine Jude you don’t have to explain I get it.

“No Connor, I don’t think you do.

Shit he looks pissed and impatient. Deep breath Jude, deep breath.

“Look the thing is I…I-I like you.”

Jesus why do I sound like a pathetic twelve year old. I lower my head, staring at my feet.

“I like you a lot and…I know what you must think of me but please just hear me out…..and then...and then you’ll never have to see me again …I promise.”

Connor just stands there stoic, emotionless…and utterly stunning.

I take one last deep breath before speaking.

“The truth is I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”

“I didn’t realise I was that good in bed” he sounds cold and detached.

“It’s..it’s not that. I’ve been basically obsessing over you since they day we met.”

Shit I should’t use the word obsessing.

“Connor, I’m so sorry for how I acted. I was just …scared. I liked you so much and I was terrified that you would regret being with me, that you would reject me. I was just trying to save myself from being hurt but I ended up hurting you instead and that’s the last thing I would ever want for you."

Another deep breath

"I really am sorry Connor.” There that's it. I basically blurted it all out.

“So you?…” his voice sounds timid. “ You don’t regret it…that night?”

“Well I wish I had acted differently afterwards, but Connor, that night we shared…it was amazing.”

He looks away like he’s deep in thought.

  
“At least it was for me.”

His head snaps back to look at me. His eyes look confused and sad as he stares at me for the longest time. He doesn’t speak not a word not a sound.

“Well I just wanted you to know the truth….Thank you for hearing me out.”

No response... nothing but silence. And then..

“Thank you for telling me.”

My heart sinks. That’s it. It’s over I done what I came here to do.

“Okay well then I guess….I guess I should go”

Another long pause

“Yeah...Goodbye Jude”

 

I turn around quickly, a tear already forming and I desperately don’t want Connor to see me cry.

I struggle with the lock but eventually I get the door open. Just as I’m about to walk through and arm stretches out blocking my path. I look up, a tear slowly rolling down my cheek. A warm hand cups my face wiping the tear away with his thumb.

“I don’t want you to leave.” he says “I didn’t want you to leave then and I don’t want you to leave now.”

I don’t mind admitting my entire body is trembling at this point.

“Please don’t cry Jude….and please, please don’t go.”

That’s the last thing I hear before he lowers his head and gently touches his lips to mine.

I’m pretty sure I faint multiple times in the next few minutes but thankfully Connor is holding me in place. I become aware that the door has closed as we make our way towards his bedroom kissing the whole time. I’m not sure when exactly we both took our shirts off but I do remember the amazing sensation when I opened my mouth and felt his tongue gently brush past my lips.

His hand wraps around my waist and back.

“Jude stay with me tonight.”

I break the kiss staring at him intently as my hand wanders over his chest. The last thing I want is for him to think that all I’m interested in is getting into to his tight perfectly bulging shorts.

“Connor maybe we could just….cuddle.”

His face breaks out into the most adorable smile. I think I can see practically all his teeth. He raises his hand up to encircle mine and gently leads me toward the bed, slowly lowering me onto his soft crisp sheets.

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

He leans over me trailing his hand down my body before connecting our lips again.

We spend the next two hours or so alternating between cuddling, talking and passionately making out. Part of me, an ever growing part, wants desperately to take things further but this is too precious to risk rushing things again.

The last thing I remember is gently resting my head on his chest listening to his heart beat as I gently drift off to sleep.

 

————————————-

 

I wake the following morning in a tight embrace. Connor is wrapped around me, arms, legs, everything, as if he needed to hold me in place…he doesn’t. Not this time anyway.

“Good morning”

I yawn, stretching my muscles as best I can.

“Good morning to you too.”

“So” he says looking slightly nervous “Are we…okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well it’s normally around this time that you freak out and nearly jump out the window to get away from me.”

“Connor!” I whine “You are never going to let me forget that are you?”

“So you think you might hang around for awhile then?”

“I might” I say and once again there’s the smile.

I lean in and kiss the crap out of him because…well because I can. He makes this adorable little noise.

“Did you just…whimper?”

“No!”

I lift my head off the bed and look at him questioningly. Before I can say anything he continues.

“Connor Stevens doesn’t whimper!”

“Oh I bet I could make you…if I really wanted to.”

He leans up and plants soft kisses on my chin trailing down to my collar bone.

“And just imagine the sounds I could get out of you.”

We kiss again…a lot, I mean a whole lot. Eventually I need a break because my lips are swollen, Honest to fuck swollen. This guy will be the death of me.

“Thank you” I say “For the most wonderful night.”

“But we didn’t even…” I place my finger over his lips “The most wonderful night.”

He blushes. “I’m glad you enjoyed it as much as I did.”

“So what happens now?” he asks

“Well maybe we could take a shower, grab some breakfast and then…I could kiss you some more.”

He giggles

“I like the sound of that. But I mean you know…. you and me, what happens now?”

“Oh I don’t know. What do you want to happen?”

“Well I meant what I said last night. I don’t want you to leave. I still don’t.”

I lean into him kissing the crook of his neck, eliciting yet another adorable sound as he giggles some more.

“I don’t think you have to worry about me leaving any time soon.”

“Glad to hear it.”

 

“And as for the future, I’m not really sure what it holds…but I have a feeling we’ll figure it out…..together.”

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it. I have to admit when I originally thought of this idea I had planned to have a lot more smut in it but somehow it got corrupted by fluff and you know emotions.  
> I'm very disappointed in myself.


End file.
